No complaining in this post - may be not much!
I've noticed a new breed of individuals, the eager-yay-sayers. They agree to everyone's point of view.Why would that not be ok? It's not bad, it's just plain uninteresting if someone were to agree to whatever you say (Ok, sometimes atleast - It's quite a different issue if someone always disagrees with everyone). But, what if this person also agrees to all those statements that are logical opposites as well? Welcome to the problem! If I were one of those folks, I would probably be yay-saying-to-everyone to just avoid confrontations (I know my opinion, why care expressing it!) or simply to please people. And the reason might well depend on the situation ( the person concerned and/or the topic,place of conversation, and/or who are all within earshot and/or whether there is something more pressing to be taken care of and/or number of other things).
On a connected note, why would you want to let everyone know that you have an opinion on a topic in the first place and secondly, bother expressing it? It seems almost a natural exercise to hold opinions and to express those at appropriate times. It seems ok not to have an opinion on all things under the sun, but there are some subsets of issues on which majority of people have opinions on. (I guess I just opened a can of worms) I can understand the implications of collective opinions, as in a democracy, which works for (or atleast meant to work for) the greatest good for the greatest number. How about individual opinions that an average person holds and/or expresses? They may help in providing feedback, for example, what is your opinion on this new book I wrote?
Opinions form an integral part of one's personality. Creating an opinion often involves analyzing an issue thoroughly, weighing the pros and cons and then taking a decision on the issue- do I support or not? What is the reasoning behind my decision? 'I dont like baseball' is an opinion which probably came after wondering 'Do I understand how this sport is played?, Do I feel happy/overjoyed when I watch the sport? etc etc' - answers to which lead to the above mentioned 'opinion'.
Now, why do we express opinions? The answer is subjective and depends on a lot of factors - context of conversation, people and situations involved etc. In some cases it's best to express one's opinion and in some other cases, leaving it unsaid seems wiser. Expressing opinions makes it easy (again, this is subjective) for others to deal with the person. (I know you don't like policy X, I will not touch upon it or I know you are not in favor of policy X, I will talk about it more to understand why). What if they don't want to express their opinions? You're pushed to assuming a context that may not be true. Ahhh....there's more to this, may be I will revisit at some other time!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Characters - I
The 'I know it all and I will make sure you know what that means' attitude
It irks me no end when I see displays of this attitude. There is nothing these people do not know. Really. NOTHING. They need to give you a solution for whatever you tell them, even if you weren't articulating a problem in the first place. For instance, 'I'm graduating next month' is a statement that can revoke responses like 'Oh I tried going for my Master's but the house was a mess and my husband wasnt helping- so I didnt complete' ( Dont know how that relates..but take the benefit of doubt) 'But, you should talk to your professors about looking for jobs and also try working as a volunteer in any company' (Thanks, but no thanks). How about something on the lines of 'Congratulations! Whats lined up next?' or something like that more congenial and 'civil' ? grrr...
If statements evoke such a response, god forbid stating a problem to this bunch of 'helpers'. 'My back really hurts, I dont know what to do' and then would follow an hour long lecture on how different people dealt with their pain ,usually in solitary misery and not even talking about it -(so how did you know they were in pain?) (in)directly hinting that would probably work best for me too.
'We went to see the baby the other day and she was crying' - I think baby-related statements are given special treatment. If the responder is a mom/dad, no three guesses- 'Mine was like that too. I would do blah blah blah..and then she would blah blah blah..it was real hard for me- juggling work and baby and whatnot!' 'when will this end!' screams my heart to those that cant hear...Even if the person isnt a parent yet s/he always is in close contact with someone who is and can relate the passive-parenting experiences just as well as they were first-hand, effectively driving me crazy with so little effort!
I'm inclined to believe that people do this to get one-up in a conversation. Why? I don't know. May be the genes? It does seem to run in the family though. It's really hard to have a good conversation with these geniuses. Any topic you pick, the economy for instance - they know it inside out. Recession, they said, was because of 'swinging economy' (java swing?). Real estate prices go up and down (remember 'swinging'?, thats why). I'm yet to find a topic these people have no ideas on. Genome analysis? No..they will know someone's uncle's cousin's wife's grandma who got an NIH-NSF-(any other alphabets that sound promising) grant for research in exactly same field! and they know about it, you guessed it right, inside out!
This is not to say they cannot be outsmarted. Try not having any meaningful conversations with these folks (no use anyway). One good idea is to randomly dump phrases at them. Whatever their reply is, do not concede. They derive their pleasure/happiness/sense of purpose/whatever when you acknowledge what they blurted out. Instead of acknowledging, throw more random phrases, like 'it depends- what you say is not always true', 'I dont think that works- it's subjective', but beware of yourself starting to 'think' (if at all we can call it that) like them. It could become dangerous. Best strategy of all, is to just smile (or laugh out loud, if you're aggressive enough ;) )- no replies, no questions, just plain energy conservation!
Rest in next!
Disclaimer : Use suggestions at your own risk :)
It irks me no end when I see displays of this attitude. There is nothing these people do not know. Really. NOTHING. They need to give you a solution for whatever you tell them, even if you weren't articulating a problem in the first place. For instance, 'I'm graduating next month' is a statement that can revoke responses like 'Oh I tried going for my Master's but the house was a mess and my husband wasnt helping- so I didnt complete' ( Dont know how that relates..but take the benefit of doubt) 'But, you should talk to your professors about looking for jobs and also try working as a volunteer in any company' (Thanks, but no thanks). How about something on the lines of 'Congratulations! Whats lined up next?' or something like that more congenial and 'civil' ? grrr...
If statements evoke such a response, god forbid stating a problem to this bunch of 'helpers'. 'My back really hurts, I dont know what to do' and then would follow an hour long lecture on how different people dealt with their pain ,usually in solitary misery and not even talking about it -(so how did you know they were in pain?) (in)directly hinting that would probably work best for me too.
'We went to see the baby the other day and she was crying' - I think baby-related statements are given special treatment. If the responder is a mom/dad, no three guesses- 'Mine was like that too. I would do blah blah blah..and then she would blah blah blah..it was real hard for me- juggling work and baby and whatnot!' 'when will this end!' screams my heart to those that cant hear...Even if the person isnt a parent yet s/he always is in close contact with someone who is and can relate the passive-parenting experiences just as well as they were first-hand, effectively driving me crazy with so little effort!
I'm inclined to believe that people do this to get one-up in a conversation. Why? I don't know. May be the genes? It does seem to run in the family though. It's really hard to have a good conversation with these geniuses. Any topic you pick, the economy for instance - they know it inside out. Recession, they said, was because of 'swinging economy' (java swing?). Real estate prices go up and down (remember 'swinging'?, thats why). I'm yet to find a topic these people have no ideas on. Genome analysis? No..they will know someone's uncle's cousin's wife's grandma who got an NIH-NSF-(any other alphabets that sound promising) grant for research in exactly same field! and they know about it, you guessed it right, inside out!
This is not to say they cannot be outsmarted. Try not having any meaningful conversations with these folks (no use anyway). One good idea is to randomly dump phrases at them. Whatever their reply is, do not concede. They derive their pleasure/happiness/sense of purpose/whatever when you acknowledge what they blurted out. Instead of acknowledging, throw more random phrases, like 'it depends- what you say is not always true', 'I dont think that works- it's subjective', but beware of yourself starting to 'think' (if at all we can call it that) like them. It could become dangerous. Best strategy of all, is to just smile (or laugh out loud, if you're aggressive enough ;) )- no replies, no questions, just plain energy conservation!
Rest in next!
Disclaimer : Use suggestions at your own risk :)
# 100
I was pleasantly surprised when I logged into my blogger account. So many new options, features since I last logged in, which, by the way was almost an year ago! I must've been really really busy with matters concerning global economical, political, geophysical, metaphysical, psychoanalytic stuff for me to forget even to login to my blog! Nah..None of that is true. Just that my free times were all gobbled up by ..my daughter :) I can't believe she's 3 already.
New places, new people, and more new people in new situations, and different reactions of new people in different conditions..phew..I did miss blogging to provide me some relief and get my thoughts back in order. There's lots to write, lots to opine, lots to whine..I'm making a new start!
Happy Women's Day- though coming in a few days late!
New places, new people, and more new people in new situations, and different reactions of new people in different conditions..phew..I did miss blogging to provide me some relief and get my thoughts back in order. There's lots to write, lots to opine, lots to whine..I'm making a new start!
Happy Women's Day- though coming in a few days late!
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